Harmonious Hearts 2017 Page 18

  Dawn shrugged. “Made some friends. Slipped up a few times.”

  The silence that followed was tense and dangerous. Xir father drove, eyes fixed straight ahead on the road. Every so often Dawn would offer some words.

  “How have you been?”

  “Fine.”

  “Do anything interesting?”

  “No.”

  “Miss me?”

  “Sure.”

  Xe gave up eventually, turning xir head to look out the window. He wasn’t going to talk to xem. Anything Dawn might say could make it worse, make him snap. Xe pulled out xir phone, but his hand came into xir line of vision and snatched it away.

  “You can have this back later,” xir father said slowly, “when I can be sure you won’t cause any more trouble.”

  “Trouble?” Dawn snapped, regretting it immediately.

  Xir father hissed through his teeth. “Look at you. I’ve got a picture of you from right before you left. You don’t look anything like that.” His hand returned, gripping Dawn’s tightly. “What did I tell you about the gloves? The hat? You wanted to go to college? You were supposed to listen so this wouldn’t happen.”

  He shoved Dawn’s hand back and glanced over. “There’s a start. We’ll fix you back before Christmas.”

  That wasn’t good. Dawn stretched xir fingers—in and out, in and out—and pulled down the mirror. The freckles xe’d obtained were gone. Xe sat back, dragging a hand down xir face. “Why?”

  Xir father scowled. “So you don’t look like a freak of nature.”

  “I look like a person, Dad.”

  “You look like a lot of people. Those aren’t your eyes, your body. What are people going to say when one day you look like yourself and the next you look like them? They’re going to see you stealing their soul and call you a witch. You remember what happens to witches, right?”

  “They burn in hell,” Dawn replied bitterly. The truck suddenly jerked and Dawn winced, stretching xir fingers madly.

  “Do you want to do that?”

  “No.”

  “Then limit yourself to the occasional touch. Because right now you’re on a dangerous path, stealing from people. God won’t forgive that, and neither will I.”

  The home Dawn had grown up in was large and looming. While before it had seemed a safe haven, now it almost felt like the house was staring at xem in judgment. All the houses in the area, spread out as they were, seemed to be doing that.

  Dawn’s dad didn’t say a word. He got out of the truck and went inside. The only acknowledgment he provided that Dawn had even made a trip with him was a quick ruffle of xir hair. He handed xem xir phone back.

  “Don’t be stupid with it,” he warned. Dawn watched him stalk into the house. When the front door closed, xe glanced in the mirror once again, unsurprised to see how xir hair was straighter than it had been a moment before.

  Dawn slid out of the truck and went to retrieve xir bag, weighed down by the lead ball in the pit of xir stomach. Xe walked slowly up the walkway and into a house that seemed now suffocating.

  Dawn and xir father had always kept the house spotless, and more than one comment from xir dad’s friends had compared it to a prop house. Dust didn’t survive long there. The moment it touched a surface, it would be attacked with a washcloth. An empty house, devoid of life. That sounded about right.

  Dawn’s room, at least, was a sort of safe haven. A place for xem to escape to. Dawn felt relief the closer xe got, looking forward to a break from all the unwanted feelings that being home brought up. Then xe opened the door.

  The room was cleaner than it had been before. It didn’t take any stretch of the imagination to imagine xir dad coming in and cleaning the place. It was unsettling, thinking about him being in xir room, but not terribly unusual.

  What did throw xem off was a picture on the nightstand of a little kid with a gap-toothed grin. Dawn grimaced and set the picture on its face. Xe would look like that again before xe left. Except for the eyes. Dawn had xir mom’s eyes, and neither one of them had seen her in years.

  It was surreal, being back home. Everything seemed to slow and blur together, like a bad movie. The pounding anxiety at the back of xir head stayed there. Dawn was too disengaged to grapple with it at the moment.

  Dawn wasn’t sure how much time passed before xir phone buzzed. Xe’d been lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, when it did the first time. When it buzzed a second time, xe moved with the sticky slowness of disassociation and pulled xir phone out of xir pocket. A text from Micha sat on the lock screen.

  How’s everything going so far? he’d sent.

  :/, Dawn texted back.

  Figured. A second later another text popped up. You said you lived in Almeda, right?

  ???

  We’re going to my aunt’s on Monday to help her move in. 9_9 She’s moving to Almeda though and I figured we could meet up?? :D

  Dawn smiled. Meeting up with Micha was probably the best thing that could happen at the moment.

  Omg yes please, xe texted back quickly.

  Awesome! Show me around the rinky-dink little place. The cool lil roadside diners where you get food poisoning and stuff.

  Dawn grinned. How hard exactly are you trying to get out of moving your aunt in?

  So hard, Dawn. :’( So hard.

  Okay. I’ll find you a place, but you gotta pick me up. I gotta check w/ my dad first, ok?

  Okay!!! :D

  Dawn stretched and sat up. Xe wanted to do this. Xe didn’t want to have the conversation it would require. But xe would. For xir sake, but mostly for Micha’s sake. Xe tugged off xir sneakers and looked into the closet, wrinkling xir nose. Xir closet was the place where good taste went to die. The only good clothes Dawn owned were in xir suitcase, and xir dad wouldn’t see those in a million years. Resigning xirself to xir fate, Dawn pulled out a pair of jeans and a ratty old T-shirt. Xir father was always doing yardwork, and if Dawn wanted something, helping him was the best way to get it.

  Dawn found him outside, attacking the roots of a tree stump with a shovel. When Dawn came out, he pointed to the shed.

  “Go get a shovel. I’m going to get this damn thing up before the sun goes down.”

  Dawn did as told wordlessly, joining xir father in attacking the stump when xe got back. After a while of working silently, Dawn tried conversation once again.

  “I found a place that might hire me up near campus.”

  He raised an eyebrow at xir. “How do you think you’ll manage a job?”

  “I could do it,” Dawn said a bit defensively.

  “You’ve barely worked a day in your life.”

  “I help you out.”

  “What’s this job?”

  “A busser. I clean people’s dishes and stuff.”

  “And you think people want you being near their food? How are you going to manage that anyway, all covered up like you are?”

  Dawn shrugged. “I dunno. I’d figure it out.”

  “Well, you better figure it out before or you’re not applying to anything.”

  Dawn didn’t have an answer to that other than “okay.” So instead xe shrugged and stayed quiet through the rest of the work. Eventually the stump was freed, and the pair went inside. Xir dad got two bottles of water, tossed one to Dawn, and drank his down slowly.

  “I’m not stealing people’s souls, you know.” That was stupid to say. But also, it was true, Dawn guessed.

  Xir father only shrugged. “People will think you are.”

  “But if I explained—”

  “Then I would kill you,” xir father said evenly, setting his water down. “I won’t have you smearing my name like that.”

  “But I’m the one with the curse,” Dawn protested. “And—”

  “That spell makes you evil,” he said sharply. “Existing with that spell is an evil thing. If you weren’t my kid, I would’ve offed you the moment it happened. So would anyone else; it’s only reasonable.”

  “I don’t
think so.”

  Xir father leveled his gaze at xem. “Do you really think anyone gives a shit what a cursed freak like you thinks is reasonable?”

  Dawn didn’t answer that. Xe could have. Could have explained how xir friends had all been fine with it. But then xir dad might have actually killed xem.

  “Can I go to my room?” xe asked instead.

  “No. We still have work to do.”

  “’Kay.”

  For the rest of the day, when there were lulls in work, xir dad would bring up points about why someone would hurt xem. Why he would be more than happy to hurt xem. By the end of the day, Dawn couldn’t feel anything. Things at home hadn’t changed at all, but the freedom away from home had changed Dawn’s perspective entirely. The little taste of freedom became poisonous while xe was home.

  The next day wasn’t much better, xir father’s mood foul. He would snap at Dawn over the smallest things and bring up more and more reasons why Dawn should be dead. He told xem they would go to church on Sunday, and they’d have a private meeting with the pastor there.

  Dawn began to think about something xe’d only ever toyed with before. It was stupid and risky and there’d be hell to pay. But there was a clawing darkness in xir head that Dawn hadn’t dealt with in months. That little piece of xir father that had been so much tamer since xe’d made friends with people had come back full force. Being around xir dad, in his house, was bringing back the sort of feelings Dawn had only barely survived last time. So maybe it was worth it to entertain the idea. Xe texted Micha.

  The next morning, Dawn cooked breakfast, got xir dad a beer, and sat with him at the table. Those things in and of itself seemed to lift his mood a fair amount.

  “My friend Micha is helping his aunt move into Almeda,” Dawn said after xir father’s initial serving.

  “You have friends?” Xir dad snorted. A grin curled up the corners of his mouth. Dawn forced xemself to match it.

  “A few, here and there. Anyway, he’s helping his aunt move in. I was wondering if I could meet up with him? He says he’ll pick me up.”

  “What’d you look like to him?”

  Dawn grimaced. “He didn’t see a lot of me. For a while I wore hats and gloves, and then things got busy so we didn’t see much of each other. I’ve gotten bigger since I saw him last, but that’s about it.”

  Dawn’s heart skipped a beat with the lie. Xe’d have to coordinate with Micha if he ended up having to talk to xir dad. “My eyes are back to the color he knew me with, also.”

  Xir dad watched xem for a moment, then shrugged. “Fine. Have him pick you up soon. When?”

  “Three?”

  “So long as I don’t have to drive you anywhere.”

  “You won’t, I promise,” Dawn said quickly, grinning. Genuinely, this time. “He’s going to pick me up, and I’m going to take him to Molly B’s.”

  Xir dad nodded. “All right. Be back by eight. Don’t get yourself in trouble.”

  “No promises,” Dawn said, giving xir dad a fake salute. Xe hummed as xe went back to xir room once more. Xe’d get a job, figure out what xe wanted to do about the curse. Start a life.

  When Micha came to get xem that afternoon, Dawn had on clothes xir father approved of. Xir wallet was in xir pocket, along with a scrap of paper that listed things Dawn would need to do once they’d escaped.

  Xir father squinted at Micha but held his tongue, sitting on the porch with a beer in hand. Dawn waved bye to xir dad, then climbed into the truck. Just like that they were leaving, Micha’s car driving down the gravel road.

  “Why don’t you guys have real roads out here?” he complained by way of greeting. “My teeth are gonna fall out.”

  “Real country places don’t have paved roads,” Dawn teased, sitting back. “Stop at the dollar store? I need to get out of these clothes.”

  “Sounds good. You okay?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay,” Dawn replied with a smile.

  “Can you look in the back seat? I think I left something back there.”

  “Yeah,” Dawn said. Xe turned, then recoiled as something sat up.

  “Hey, sweetie!” Wex said brightly. She adjusted herself fully up in her seat just as Micha turned the truck on a bend that put the house out of sight. Dawn stared at xir girlfriend with wide eyes. Xe unbuckled quickly and launched xemself at Wex as best xe could. Wex laughed, accepting the awkward neck hug and returning it.

  “I missed you so much,” Dawn said, squeezing as tight as xe could.

  “I missed you too,” Wex said with a quick kiss to Dawn’s forehead. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Damn, I wish I got a greeting like that,” Micha said when Dawn was once again fashioned in xir seat belt. He grinned, and Dawn rolled xir eyes.

  “Only girlfriends get greetings like that.”

  “Blatant exclusion,” Micha scoffed. He grinned and nudged Dawn. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

  They drove for a while more before Micha pulled them into the dollar store parking lot.

  “You know, I basically grew up in this thing,” Dawn said.

  “This place?” Micha asked skeptically as they walked through the sliding doors. Dawn looked around. Displays had been moved and the person at the cash register was different, but Dawn could navigate the store easily enough.

  “Yeah, this place. You see anything else around here? This is where all the cool shut-ins hang out.”

  Micha and Wex laughed. Then the three of them made a beeline for the clothes. They each took a different part of the section and began to look.

  Micha pulled out a T-shirt with a spiraling flower pattern as Wex retrieved a polka-dot pair of tights. “Whaddya think?”

  Wex giggled. “Definitely doesn’t clash.”

  “I’ll take literally whatever, man. I just want to get out of these clothes.”

  Micha nodded in sympathy. “I feel you. You want snacks?”

  “So much.”

  The trio moved on to the snack aisle, poking around the store more slowly.

  “So,” said Micha.

  “So?” said Dawn.

  “My house?”

  “If that’s still okay?”

  “It is. My family really likes you. Mom’s ready to fight your dad, like, whenever.”

  Dawn smiled. “I’m glad, then.”

  “Micha wanted to invite Gina and Mari over. I thought that might be fun? They were worried about you too. But, like, we didn’t want to invite everyone over if you wanted to be alone?”

  “I thought bringing Wex without telling you would be okay but I didn’t want to push it, you know? This is about you,” Micha added. “Everyone would totally like to see you, though, if you want to see them.”

  Dawn’s heart jumped. With all of the big changes xe was about to make, the familiarity of the little friend group would be a comfort.

  “That’d be really nice,” xe said with a smile.

  As they began down the road once more, Dawn leaned against the door and stared out the window. Soon enough xir father would realize xe was gone. He would come for xem or, at the very least, attempt to dismantle xir life. But there was a support system. Micha’s mom could apparently handle Dawn’s dad with ease, and Dawn had friends and a girlfriend for the inevitable emotional fallout. Dawn had, for the first time xe could think of, people who actually cared about xem.

  There’d be tears and anger, sure. But there’d be kisses and laughter and warmth and light. And change, for better or for worse.

  MORGAN GOOLSBY is a college-aged young adult looking to be a college-going young adult quite soon. They spend their time talking about characters more than actually writing. But if you’re quiet and careful, you might be able to spot them at the local coffee shop for a few hours early on a weekday, actually writing. Their other main hobbies, other than lurking around coffee shops, are playing board games, yelling about musicals, and reading books.

&nbs
p; Morgan’s goal for their writing is to bring more representation to mentally ill queer people, of which there are many (including Morgan themself). While they’ve seen plenty in novels, it’s very rarely named as such, and Morgan would like to present more protagonists that are unashamedly mentally ill so others who also deal with it may find themselves in stories.

  Twitter: @InSunlitSilence

  I Know This Is Bad But I Have a Good Reason

  By Joey Scully

  University student and aspiring novelist Robert Seabrook has hit the jackpot—he’s the lucky winner of a date with a beautiful young woman. The only problem? Robert’s gay. Worse yet, the eventful night means less time to work on his creative writing assignment—due tomorrow. But the awkward date may not be the only thing keeping Robert from finishing his story.

  TO: OWENSCD@JMU.EDU

  From: SeabrookRE420@dukes.jmu.edu

  Subject: I know this is bad but I have a good reason

  Hey Dr. Owens!

  How are you doing? This is Robert from your Creative Writing Fiction class. I am just working on my short story and thought I’d send you an update because it was supposed to be due today. Per your request, I have halted my work on “Secret Agent Owens: Double O Dead” (working title) and have been rigorously working on my new childhood murder/thriller “Jenny Louise Smith and the Case of the Missing Left Shoe.” I believe this most recent tale will truly show everything I have learned from this class and will surely be used as a writing example for future generations. There’s just a slight problem with the final edits.

  You see, last night, instead of finishing my story, I went on a date with the most beautiful woman. She had a sense of humor, wit, and intellect I have never seen before. I would highly recommend her to any male suitor interested in finding a suitable partner. I’ll admit I may be overly complimenting her attributes in order to somehow set my karma right in the world. This date ended disastrously in the most intense meaning of the word. While she was as delightful as could be, her charming personality could not overcome my one biggest character flaw. I’m gay.